BIFFING AND HOOLIGANS

My Tuesday morning class suffers from my perpetual lateness. It seems that I just can't get to that class on time. I have no idea. So yesterday, I'm on my way up to the room, and I realize I forgot my tape player. So I run back downstairs, grab the tape player and start to haul ass back up. Well, I had the tape player and my water and the register in my hand and what do I do?...biff it. I totally trip on the stairs and the tape player makes this huge echo of plastic machinery against tiled stairs. Luckily, there was nobody in the area but I knew my one student was already up in the room (he, unlike me, is always on time) and would know that I knew that I was late and thus this was why I was rushing to get there on time. Totally embarrassing.

So then today, I'm walking over the bridge and I take out my cell to see if I got a message back from my friend and what do I do this time?...I drop it. I am crossing the bridge over a river and I drop my phone. I seriously watch it fall in slow motion over the side of the bridge. I let out a totally-English, "Oh shit" and watch it go. Luckily, I was to the point on the bridge where there's an embankment below and so thankfully, I see my phone hit and I am able to walk down and retrieve it. But as I'm going down, I see these two boys watching from above. (Now, a few times in Poland I have had the pleasure of a run-in with what they call "hooligans." And in only a few weeks, Poland will celebrate what they refer to as "Wet Monday"; an event where anybody walking the street can be hit with a bucket of water, a squirt gun...things of that nature. So as I walk down the stairs to the bank of the river, I can picture hooligans spitting on me or throwing stuff.) But alas, I survived, untouched and with my phone. But honestly, am I really this clumsy?

ONE HEAD-SHAVING WITH A SIDE OF CABBAGE PLEASE

What do I have to get at the hairdresser to not be charged an arm and a leg?

Seriously, the woman there is really nice but I think she thinks I'm loaded. This is the second time I went there and it was 50 freaking zloty (that's how much I charge for an hour private lesson) for an intensive hair mask and a blow dry. (I can't tell her that I don't need her to blow dry my hair! Besides, I think it's really weird to walk out without getting your hair "done"; I saw a guy put product in a five year old's hair today. For real.) On top of that, I'm not able to dye my hair back to its original color (I have successfully killed my hair) so I'm stuck with red hair and roots. Sucks. I never learn! So I'm thinking of shaving my head again, or going really, really short. And then seriously - no more all-over dying when it's grown out. I've had it.

Lately, in addition to my craving for normal hair, I've been craving my low-carb tuna pita with alfalfa and cucumbers. I can't wait. But then when I actually sit and think about it, getting the luxuries from home only means that I don't get the Polish food anymore. There's definitely some tastes that I've acquired since I've gotten here and I'm nervous I won't be able to duplicate them in the states. No more golambki, no more weird vegetarian pita from the train station that gives me horrible garlic breath and gas for three hours, no more vast variety of nalesnikis to choose from. What's a girl to do?

LUBIE CZEKOLADA

Lately, again, I'm getting that overwhelming feeling that everything is amazing. Life is gorgeous, a blessing. The rain is a drizzle that catches me without my umbrella, there's a never-ending overcast that hangs over Opole, my classes really piss me off sometimes, I have a chill that I can't seem to get out of my bones, and I live on peas and corn but for some reason, I feel so alive.

Is it Polska?
Eh....not so sure about that.
Is it freedom from anything binding or boring that I may have known in my "past" life?
Er....maybe.
Is it the recent recognition of philosophical and sociological predictions backed by human relations forming patterns before my eyes?
Possibly....but I'm not so sure I know what I just said.
Is it the Excedrin migraine pills mixed with coffee that I took at 6:30 this morning?
Ummmm....more than likely.

Okay, so that may attribute to this morning's ecstasy but in all honesty, there are times I feel like I just can't not smile. Sometimes I feel like my heart is literally going to crack open from so much, I don't even know what the hell's in there. What's wrong with me?!

I guess maybe I have this newfound appreciation for everything and it amazes me what little things can do; a new friend to travel with, hearing from someone I haven't heard from in years, a guilt-free indulgence in chocolate, an "I miss you" from a friend - but all seeming to be things that can attribute to me waking up randomly at 2:30 in the morning and just smiling.

ANOTHER DAY, ANOTHER ZLOTY

Okay, the dog poo is getting a little ridiculous. It's like I'm walking through Spencer's gift shop sometimes. I feel like I'm about to get to the aisle with the fart pills and the old posters of Samantha Fox. C'mon now.

There seems to be an extreme dog poo problem in Poland. People let their dogs poo anywhere. No wonder Poles are remembered for being stoic people; I'd be pretty damn stoic if I spent my entire life trying to avoid stepping in shit. Well, literal shit at least.

Today is going awesome, aside from the everyday poo thing that I deal with. The girls in the office and I have a new understanding - and it's amazing how much that can change how you feel at work. I'm so much more chipper and I just have a better attitude. Granted, it may be partly because they need us to pick up a bunch more classes but at this point, I don't really care.

Today was also payday, which could have a big impact on my mood as well. Getting paid more for working less (I changed my contract hours and salary) is awesome. Of course I had to remind my boss about the agreement we made (she "forgot" that my overtime was after 24 hours and not 26...tsk, tsk) but she fixed it as soon as I brought it to her attention.

Also going to Wroclaw this weekend. I'm not drinking (still got that dizzy thing going on - did i ever write about that??) but I'm shopping and getting my groove on. It should be fun. Girl's weekend.

Also addicted to the Michael Buble cd that I wanted to burn before I left the states. One of my student's let me borrow it and I can't stop singing - it's fabulous. Especially that song, "Home"....

SINGIN' THE BLUES...LITERALLY

My roommate's gone to Wroclaw with her relatives so I am left here to spend a Sunday with myself. Which is what I normally do anyhow (I have a habit of locking myself in the kitchen and reading at the table) but it's different when there's nobody around. I forget during the week that when she's gone to a class, I can sing. I noticed today that I can't remember the last time I sang aloud (not counting the pathetic attempt at "Up On the Housetop" during my kid's Christmas lesson). I never sing anymore and when she stepped out that door today, something told me to put in a jazz cd and sing my little heart out. It was great.

I'm now working on a lesson plan for my students in Kluczbork. They want a lesson on jazz because they know I enjoy it. They couldn't be more awesome. So I've been putting it off because planning a lesson from scratch takes forever...and a day. They also want one on prohibition (they're fascinated by this occurence in US history), American government (I'm terrified of this lesson as I know nothing and I'm sure they know more already), and Al Capone and the mafia.

Got a comment on my last page from my friend Kimberly. To clear up any confusion, yes, I will be home this summer. My program is a two year program but it only requires me to be in Poland for two weeks, twice out of the year. Other than that, we should be teaching abroad for the remainder of the time but I'm finding this isn't an enforced rule. So yes, I will be home to rock a bachelorette party in Vegas and my girl Mary's wedding in September. But I'll be honest: although this is the "excuse" I hand fellow bohemians for why I'm going back to the states (you really do end up working an entire summer just for a return ticket back to Europe), I'd be coming home anyhow. I love NY.

ELDERLY BIKINI BLUES

I afraid, that in the past 6 months, I've somehow become too old for a bikini.

I've been talking with a friend I met in Krakow, who lives in Italy, and thinking that I may go to the beaches for a vacation sometime in the future. So this morning, before getting dressed in my lovely teacher attire (jeans and my staple teacher turtleneck or grandma sweater), I tried my bikini on for size. I've been walking a ton and trying to eat less fatty foods (trying...) and was hoping that this would show in this morning's personal fashion show. For some reason, I wasn't convinced. I'm not really sure if it's my own perception of myself or if I've finally passed my personal age where a bikini is unacceptable. I guess I was inspired when the friend wrote, "pack your bikini, or swimsuit" in his email. Obviously, he doesn't think I'm too old; why do I?

So wish me luck. I'm about to write an email seeing if I can get a Monday off during the week we have Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday already off. I've picked up some classes lately, and am one of the few teachers sticking around at this school (a Polish teacher actually asked me yesterday if I was planning on staying...and she meant just till the end of this year). It would be nice to see someplace other than Poland and the airport in Vienna.

20 MINUTES OF EARLY-MORNING RANT

I can't believe it's 4:45am. I woke up to a dream that my school was going to make me somehow teach English on Friday nights, in a pool. C'mon now, how am I having these dreams?

Yesterday, we had a teacher's meeting with the administration of the school. So much has already gone down in the way of their attitutes towards us, the way they behave or threaten us, and our contracts that, the damage has already been done. When I first arrived, my roommate was the one to pick me up at the train station. Granted, there was a mix-up with the information but it would be in the school's interest to have some kind of way to check emails on the weekends. For all I know, they do but they just didn't do it. If the roomie hadn't picked me up, who knows what may have happened. Secondly, I was never apologized to for this. Not difficult but would have meant a lot. After this, we were never really told in a clear manner what time to be at the school for "training." We arrived at 8:00 and were told that the boss wouldn't come till 2:00 and that the meeting wasn't till that Thursday. I booked my plane ticket at the last minute because of a supposed orientation week. This was never really explained to me.

Later that week, we had our teacher's meeting. There was discussion on a position for resource manager. All of us native speakers were not only new at this particular school but new at teaching as well. We were threatened into someone taking the position or the books would be locked up. No new teacher wants to hear this when they've never taught a lesson before! No access to materials for planning?!

Our working hours consist, according to our contract, of 26 teaching hours, an hour and a half of "standby" and a teacher's meeting every week. I have been to 4 teachers meetings this year - not by choice but because that is the amount we've been offered. So, naturally, when we were told we had to have an hour of "office hours" and an hour of conversation club (on Monday nights!), we assumed we got paid for this. We were answered with an "it's in your contract." Well, I looked over the contract and it's not. "Then, it's in the school policy." Okay, it's there. But I signed the contract, not the policy. Oh no, slipperily, I signed that policy as well. Neatly under the written hours of the contract, made to look like it states I am signing the contract, it says, "I have read and understand and agree to the terms in the school policy." Very smooth.

So one of the teachers complained, again. Four, count it, four teachers have resigned since January. Somehow, we were finally heard...for now. We had a meeting and during this, we were asked what was ambigious with our contract. I stated, "nothing now - I've had 6 months to figure it out." (I of course, did this in a diplomatic, non-confrontational way.) My problem now: my roommate needs a ride to the store to buy more tapes and cds to copy class listening exercises for teachers. I privately told her I would give her a ride since she's scared to drive. She gets paid a monthly fee for doing this resource job. Well, once I agreed to it, I was given other "little things" on a trickling basis, from admin, to buy. Just posterboard and chocolates for the "St. Patty's quiz thing." Okay, I'll let it go. Well, then I'm asked to make this poster. Here's where my problem lies.

This is time out of my day. I'm driving my roommate to this store and now I'm stuck with extra work. It won't take me too long but it will take an hour, at least, to pull it all together. I don't work for free. Or at least not for people that have treated me in the way this school has in the past. So, do I write this hour on my timesheet and risk having to deal with explaining myself and looking like a money-grubbing jerk? Or do I let it go and just do the damn hour and not volunteer again?

HAPPY WOMEN'S DAY...FOR REAL!

I am SO sorry it's been so long. This computer is really driving me crazy. For some reason, the internet likes to be all funky and only hook up for short periods of time. Which is cool though - it keeps me from watching pointless stuff on youtube and gives me more time to spend on my latest obsession: reading. I love when I remember how cool reading and libraries are. Got my very own library card today. Of course it will mainly be used to borrow books in English but still...pretty neat. There's something about the feeling you get when you walk into the library...

Today is Women's Day. I must have been wished a Happy Women's Day by at least 5 men, and my private student even brought me a flower! It's so great. I don't think men in the states even know that there is such a day. It's amazing that I've seen more flowers from the shop, in women's hands, in the 6 months I've been in Poland than in my 27 years in the states.

NOUN: JEALOUSY....ADJECTIVE: JEALOUS

Today we discussed noun and adjectives. I don't normally teach on Thursday mornings but one of the teachers, a friend that I really will miss, is jumping on a train to Warsaw tonight. She'll be heading out of Poland on a plane, back to her home country, South Africa, tomorrow morning. She decided this yesterday.

My school does not know how to treat the teachers that it employees. I picked up this one class because honestly, I couldn't think of a quick reason why I couldn't (what am I doing at 7am...really?) and I could use the few extra zloty...if they actually pay me. My friend went to tell the school that her father is ill (this is true) and that she would be leaving the following day. The director at ILS replied, "your father is not ill." When my friend proceeded to tell her that he is in fact ill and that she only has one dad, our director had the audacity to reply, "yes, but they have a lot of new research for cancer these days." Unbelievable.

So my fellow colleague put in her resignation and decided, at the request of another teacher, to advise our director of just how unhappy her native speaking body is. The director didn't listen. She's had three native speakers resign in a matter of two months and she still doesn't get the picture. She would rather fight back and say she is not a certain way than to realize that obviously, something is not working right.

I wrote in the headline that I may be a bit jealous. Don't get me wrong with this though. Being here has taught me a lot. I feel like I've come more into my own than I would have dreamed of and I feel like I'm just waking up. But the thought of going home and seeing my family, and my friends, it's like Dorothy walking from the black and white to the color. This whole world that you already know, is somehow different now - brighter.

FINDING A HOME WITHIN MYSELF

Today we did a discussion on "success" and I came back to the question I was discussing with a friend before I left; "Can you ever just be happy and content with your life?"

The question stands as this. Can you ever just not have a goal and not being looking forward to something? A degree, a vacation, a budding romance? When I came to Poland, my focus was on the injustices of the school. Right there, already not happy. When things became bearable (not good but bearable) and I got internet, I began looking at what I was going to do when I went home (in terms of my career and where I was going to live) and wasn't living "in the moment." For some reason, lately, I have been okay. I have recognized that I really like living abroad sometimes and I'm not sure when I'll go back "for good." With this recognition, and the recognition that I didn't really need to make any decisions lately (in regards to next year or this summer), I settled. And it was so good. But at the same time, it somewhat made me nervous. Am I content? In Poland?? Did I finally find someplace that I belong, and it's halfway around the world, or did I just finally find someplace in myself that I feel comfortable with? How did this happen? How did I become, shall we say, okay?

MONEY AND FRIENDS

Lately, and it may have something to do with making slightly more money, I've been in this awesome mood. I have my moments, as anybody that truly knows me, knows I have. But on the whole, I've been almost elated lately. I am enjoying walking everywhere, my classes seem, for some reason, easier to plan for since I returned from Nowy Sacz. I don't know, I guess maybe I'm getting settled.

My friend from school is coming over this weekend. I'm attempting to make bigos; a Polish dish of basically whatever's in the kitchen thrown into a pot and cooked. It's delicious if it's made correctly though. I attempted to do it at home when I got back from Poland last time but it was a disaster and I ended up throwing the whole thing out. This time, I have special spices I bought that will hopefully help. And for some reason, the meat here is usually really good (Polish McDonald's is the best!); no gristle. Also, my friend Peter from Nowy Sacz will possibly be coming to visit. It's amazing what a little extra money will allow one to do. I can actually hang out with people now!

DON'T TALK TO THE HAND

Quickly jumping on before the internet decides not to work again.

Yesterday, I walked halfway home and realized I made copies to plan my lesson, but for the wrong class. I was just so exhausted from walking the same route, I took the bus home. Today, I did my normal half hour walk to school, then went to the main grocery center, a twenty minute walk in the opposite direction from home, and then attempted to find my way home from that - walking around Opole for a good 45 minutes. But it was fabulous. I was just doing my thing. Then I went and bought a bus ticket for later (successfully), bought yarn to make a blanket for my Kluczbork students that are pregnant with their first child (successfully!) and then said "good morning" and carried on a coherent (although quick) conversation with the gypsies standing in the entranceway to my flat (successfully). I'm so excited! I had three successful Polish conversations (okay...not conversations, more like transactions that I understood) within a 10 minute timespan; I feel so accomplished!

FRUSTRATION AND A BEER FESTIVAL

I have been working on this computer for a half hour and I finally got the internet working again. Having to try and understand the logistics of an internet hook-up is difficult enough in itself; trying to do it when the hard drive is in Polish is a whole other ballgame.

Handed in my signed and renegotiated contract at the school today. I settled a little less than what I was hoping for but she brought my hours down so that anything over 24 is overtime. That will help. I just wasn't ready to pack all my stuff up and find another place to live for only 3 months. It really would have been a hassle. So I'm getting a discount on my tuition, but not really (long story) and will have a little more money for my monthly salary. Plus, I have a steady private student that I teach now so that should help as well. I'm hoping to save a couple hundred zloty to go to the Heineken festival in late June/early July. Beastie Boys, Bjork, Sonic Youth and The Roots. Oh, and camping-it's a two day festival. Oh, and getting to see northern Poland which I haven't done yet!

I CANNOT SEE CLEARLY NOW, THE RAIN'S STILL HERE

Okay. Not looking so good. We've had our meeting with Gosia boss and she offered 1800. She told us she would stop at that and although I was unprepared to do so, I handed in my resignation with Carrie. At that point, she seemed to get a little nervous. She broke out her calculator and started pulling out numbers and basically trapped herself; we should be getting around 2100 with what she worked out. Uh-oh. So then she said she had to figure it out with us not getting the bonus since we didn't finish out the contract. So she started punching numbers in and got nervous and asked if we could meet in a few minutes after she worked it out herself. Carrie's pretty sure she's calling our director to complain about us putting in a resignation and leaving her in the middle of the year. I tried to explain to her that we're not trying to exploit or take advantage of her but that we believe we should be compensated accordingly. I pulled out the contract that I had showing that she pays for flights to and from England, twice, and she claims that this is the contract for the British teachers as they don't have to pay for the visa. I explained that I paid for my visa in the states. She came back claiming that the work certificate cost 1000 zloty. I highly doubt it. So now we're basically waiting for her to come back with another figure and we'll see where to go from there. I really don't feel like picking up and moving but I'll feel silly if I accept something that isn't what I deserve.

MEETING AT 2:00...OR SHOULD I SAY 14:00

Have our meeting at 2. I'm not really sure why our boss thinks that we're asking too much. I have seen jobs posted in Poland that offer much more than what we are making, and some of them include housing as well. We make 730 zl a month and then they pay 1000 zl to our master's program. That works out to 1730 zl a month plus accomodation. Now we work 26 contact hours a week, which is also more than normal. I have seen job postings for the surrounding area that offer 3000-4000 zl a month! Now those don't include housing but supposedly our rent is 650 each, per month. I can't believe that she thinks our asking for an increase in salary is not logical. Can't wait to see how this pans out. We're a little nervous that she might pull out her own calculator which as my roommate put it so well, works differently than ours. We will see.

NO LONGER A POLISH PRINCESS?

Sent our request to our boss today for the new contract. She wrote back that she doesn't think that she can give us as much as we're asking. I don't know how this is all going to pan out. We worked it out and the minimal asking that I think we should, or could, settle on, is 2100 zl a month. We asked for 2500. I don't think that with our master's program almost finished, and her knowledge that we're good teachers and our student's enjoy our classes, that that's too much to ask. But we'll see. It's possible that I may have to change the name of this website in the next week or so. That would be crazy. And I'm really upset because as much as I don't like the school sometimes, I really don't want to have to pick up and leave now. And although I'm not a fan of all my ILS classes, I LOVE my classes in Kluczbork and am trying to figure out if it might be possible to keep them if I leave ILS (even though I'm sure they have some kind of contract with ILS). There's a job in Opole, at another school, and it's possible that if I went there, I might be able to keep my classes in Kluczbork if I talked to the director there. But then again, that would be crazy 'cause that school is offering less than what we're asking for. I'll find out soon enough how it all pans out.

HAIRS CUT

Whew! Just left the hair salon and I'm okay. It worked out. I woke up just 15 minutes before my appointment (talking to Lindsey till 2 am will do that) but luckily, the salon is just down the street. When I first got there, it was just the hairdresser and another young woman. By the time I left, there was 3 hairdressers, 3 gentleman, and probably about 4 ladies. I'm pretty sure they all knew I didn't speak Polish and they were all so nice. The one guy getting his haircut next to me pulled out an English word and said, "beautiful!" with a big smile on his face. I answered with the minimal Polish I know, "dziekuje bardzo!" (thank you very much) which made everyone go "whooo!" and then laugh. Too fun. It was nice. Granted, I think the language barrier prevented me from paying a price I would have been more comfortable with (I went in thinking around 40 zl and walked out paying 110) but it's okay. She was a really sweet woman and did what she could to save this wretched 'do of mine. She didn't trim the dead part but she alluded that the chunk that is horribly dead was fine now (she put some great smelling conditioner concoction in and let me sit for a while). I'm letting it be now and not showering but am a little nervous that the first time I'll get to "play" with it is tomorrow morning at 5am. She put some kind of coloring in that she didn't wash and I'm afraid I should let it sit. So now I'm off to teach my class with little clips of my hair on my face and no shower.

SETTLING IN AFTER JUST 5 MONTHS?

Sometimes, in this wacky world I call Poland, I get a great jolt of energy. I'm not sure how it happens but I wish I could make a definite association with something I'm doing and that great feeling. So many times, I look around me and think, "how did I get here and why am I here?" Many times, I try to answer that with something positive (this doesn't always work). Luckily, I had an awesome time in Nowy Sacz and recognized once again, from the help of my colleagues, why I'm here.

I have been waiting all my life to do this; to live abroad and teach - and now that I'm here, I'm freaking out and missing the whole experience. One minute I want to hop on the next plane home and the next, I'm not sure I ever want to go back. This doesn't mean that I want to live in Poland forever (although crazier things have happened) but I'm not so sure my traveling itch is gone after just 5 months.

Yesterday, I looked out the window and saw a Poland that I only see rarely. It was just a few lit windows across the street but it was a picture in my mind that I had seen before I got here - little things that just look beautiful on their own. Or make you think of a feeling that makes you feel like you've settled into something really comfortable and somehow, already known. Difficult to explain, I suppose. But anyhow, for that minute, I was good. I forgot about people pushing in front of me on the bus or giving me odd looks in the grocery store. I just remembered the fact that I was doing something that I set out to do and for that, I'm so grateful. So for now, I'm good. I'm really good. And part of me hopes that it lasts but part of me is afraid of what might happen if it does.

IRONY

I'm in tech class and we're learning how to set up a blog...on blogger. Coincidental. So it seems that I'll spend the class time working on my webquest - something we learned about the other day. These things are great. http://webquest.sdsu.edu/ You basically come up with a task that a group of students have to accomplish using the web. There's usually a role for each student and they have to bring something different to the group for the final product. I've been putting off teaching American politics for my Kluczbork class and this is perfect. My director for that school has been suggesting that I make them do research on the internet for various topics so I'm basically going to have them teach me about my government. Then again, they probably already know more than I do at this point.

DREAMS

I've been a week in Nowy Sacz. Most of the time has been spent hanging out with everyone - which has been really nice. We had to do a powerpoint presentation on ourselves and it was so awesome to see pictures and places of where everyone has gone. I'm still homesick but it was like a shot of remembering why I'm here and why I'm doing this. I have a couple friends that are currently living in Spain and at this point, I want nothing more than to hop on the plane and go back with them. I'm really not looking forward to Opole but I think I just need to go out more. I've been to so many restaurants and bars here since I came in last weekend and it just makes my life seem a little more real. Not so much like I'm living for work.
Woke up this morning from some weird dreams. I was teaching a spontaneous class and it actually turned out well. I think it's from my researching ways to teach grammar last night. Then I dreamt that my nana called me - which wouldn't happen. So more dreams and more stress while I'm sleeping and then my mind wakes up. I don't open my eyes but I can hear my roommate coughing and I slightly freak out. I haven't slept in the same room as someone, besides slumber parties, for years and it takes me a good 5 seconds to figure out where I am. My mind flips through my life as I've known it for the past few years and I finally figure out I'm in a small mountain town in the south of Poland. Whew...