WHEN THE LIGHTS, GO DOWN, IN THE CITY

Had a wonderful weekend. After the presentation, I went out with most everyone from the program. It was a good time and I didn't stay out later than I should (as I usually do). Although I had a nice hangover the next morning, I still went to the lake as planned. It was so worth it. There was a beautiful view and friends just relaxing and passing around a guitar. Very mellow and very needed.

Getting ready to head back home. I was sure that someone would be heading to Warsaw Friday night and I wouldn't have to go it alone but it's looking like that's not the case. Luckily I met a new friend before leaving Opole and he can hopefully meet me in Warsaw as that's where he lives. Even though I'm excited to see my family, I will be sad to leave Poland and my first experience of living abroad behind.

EEEEEE!

It's finally done - the dreaded presentation that prevented me from eating lunch today and caused me to feel that I should wake up and run this morning. It's done! And I feel so excellent because of it - for a number of reasons. First - I HATE presentations. For some reason, I have been conditioned to all the horrible things that can happen to one during a presentation. Because of this, I actually prayed to God that I wouldn't have it happen too bad. Now, as you all know, I LOVE thunderstorms and one of the things I had prayed for, was rain. (It makes me calmer, what can I say?) Well, the night before my presentation, the skies cracked open with an unbelievable downpour, fierce lightning and some distant thunder rolls. It was awesome. And it made me smile so huge because someone up there, was actually listening to me. It was phenomenal. Second reason is that it didn't go so bad - and I actually shared something extremely personal with my entire class: the death threat I received in high school. While I wasn't comfortable saying it was mine when I read it in the beginning, I shared at the very end that this was part of what skewed my ideas about co-educational environments. It felt really good. Oh! And on another note, the teacher mentioned the one really good paper idea that he liked (and he's a difficult man) and it was mine! I was so excited. It feels good to feel that your professors believe that what you are saying is intelligent.

So tonight, it's off for a few beers and then tomorrow, shopping for teacher presents with a friend, joining up with other friends later to go to the lake, and then finishing off the day cooking kielbasas in the park. I can't wait.

PILL POP?

Luckily, I have memorized what buttons need to be pressed in order to publish my blog but unfortunately, I think I may have just deleted a comment. (Sorry Kimberly!) I'm currently on a different hard drive than I've been on all year and it seems that I don't know how to switch it into English. To answer the comment though, I am not back in Rochester (yet!) - still in Poland (till next Friday) but just finishing up a semester of school...and it's dreadful. I have an hour presentation to do with another colleague and I'm dreading it, and I'm so pissed about it! I am SO confident in women's issues and women's ideas and I'm doing my presentation (and a class reading) on single-sexed classrooms. But for some reason, I still can't help fully freaking out before I have to go up there. I'm totally not nervous - in fact, I'm almost kinda excited - but I still can't help the physical reaction my body goes through. It's like I'm conditioned to that reaction and there's absolutely nothing I can do about it. Maybe it's because before I didn't really care about the material and now I do (and everyone else knows I do) and so I feel compelled to be interesting and introspective and all that. I don't know. All I know is that I want so BAD to be a good speaker but no matter how hard I try, I just can't seem to master that damn skill! Isn't there a pill I can pop?

LAST MORNIN' IN OPOLE

I should be (that should be my new catch phrase) packing the rest of my stuff seeing as I'm leaving Opole in less than two hours but I'm frustrated at the fact that I don't think I'll be able to fit it all and I don't know what to do. I think it means that I'm going to have to open up the "no-open" suitcase that I packed last night (souvenirs and winter stuff) and pull out a jogging suit or sneakers and part with them. That sucks so bad. But I have nice clothes that need to go back more than a jogging suit so I just have to deal. I would send it back home but 1. it's Sunday and I hightly doubt the post office is open and 2. I have barely any money since the director at my (former!) school is a cheat and scammed us out of 451 zloty for "overlimit water usage." It's such a crock. I had it out with her really bad and told her she could either give me my money or I was going on the Internet to post how ridiculous her school is and for all TEFL teachers not to work there. She kept babbling (after saying she would do the same to me) and indirectly chose the latter. So, once I'm settled in and have a minute, I'm going to write a nice, long warning to all my fellow teachers about what an unsupportive school ILS is. It's sad that this is what I leave with - this horrible taste in my mouth from that woman but the good news, it was temporarily forgotten thanks to a great night out with friends and students on Friday.

ERRR...KIDS?

Had my interview in Krakow yesterday and it didn't go as well as I'd hoped. First of all, she made me really nervous saying that she's not sure how good a fit the school is because most of the classes are kids. Well, she's right with that. And the money doesn't seem as good as I had thought - what with me paying 1000 zl a month for a flat (ridiculous as I could probably get one in Krakow for the same amount), 200 or so for my own health insurance, having to pay for my own training if I want it, and no free Polish classes. It's sounding a little less appealing than I had previously thought. So, I'm currently on the hunt, once again, for something in Rzeszow. I looked a little online last night when I got back (until about 1 am) and then started again at 5 am this morning when I woke up. So far, I think I've found one position. The thing is, I could take this job and then just cross my fingers that 1. I like it or 2. I find something else when I get there but I feel bad having the school do all the work and paperwork (let alone pay for my visa) when I'm most likely gonna find something else when I get there. But my friend Peter (he's Polish) says that in Poland, with work, it's every man for himself. You can't think about the employer at all because the employer doesn't think about you. I hate bad karma though.

PROS

• they pay hourly (which can also be bad during holidays)
• only twenty hours a week
• it's near my family
• natives don't teach grammar
• I get my own copy of textbooks, teacher's books, tapes and workbooks

CONS

• they pay hourly
• it's kids
• surprise observations
• I'd have to pay for my own health insurance
• 1000 zl a month for the flat
• I'd have to pay for September's rent even though I wouldn't be there
• no Polish classes
• I'd have to pay for my own training if I wanted it

Back to the job hunt.

WORLD'S WORST (OR SHOULD I SAY, BEST?) PROCRASTINATOR

aliceneel.com

It is currently 10:12 am and I have successfully dodged working on my upcoming presentation for...about 2 hours now. I woke up so diligently at 6:30 am and did work for about an hour and a half but after needing to jump online for some additional research, I folded. I need to begin the PowerPoint design part but working on that is so final, thus the reason why I'm such a procrastinator when it comes to these things. I have been escaping the aforementioned work by:

1. reading (and forwarding the link to unsuspecting friends) a fabulous website I stumbled on when I was researching my topic of single-sexed schools.


2. daydreaming about my future home.


3. logging into facebook, adding quotes and reading notes.


4. cooking onions and eggs.


5. catching up on my correspondence.


6. being quiet so as to (hopefully) not wake up the roomies.


7. calling a taxi (successfully, might I add) for my one roommate to go to work. (How is she a waitress when she doesn't even speak the language??)


8. daydreaming about my future, again, but this time more generally.


9. downloading Alice Neel paintings to use as my new, inspiring desktop.


10. writing in my blog about how I am currently (and successfully, might I add) putting off my work.

RUMBLIN' MOVIE TIME

There's a rumble of thunder outside and the trees are waving poetically in the wind. You know what that means - time to blog. I love it!

Went shopping with Maja today and spent way too much money. But I like to think that it's probably the last time I'll go shopping before I go home. As of today, I have exactly 3 weeks till I saunter into Rochester International (c'mon, you can really call it that just because it goes to Canada?) and freak out at my family. (They're gonna be so embarrassed.)

Almost time to watch a movie as I just saw a bolt of lightening.

TREMENDOUSLY

Went to the gym this morning. The walk there was better than the walk back. I don't know why I was so exhausted and didn't want to do anything when I was there. I had to though; there was a surprise attack of beers in Kluczbork yesterday. And food with cream. When did this happen to me? Good thing I'm not too particular. Today we're hooking up pizza and summer drinks (thanks for the recipe in your blog, Kimberly!) with a friend.

Bought some new shoes, new glasses and found out I have two extra classes next week. That wasn't fun. Well, the extra classes part. Still haven't finished everything with my presentation but I have all weekend to finish it up. And the train ride to Krakow to perfect it. And as of tomorrow, I will be home in 3 weeks! I can't wait. I miss everyone tremendously (which means, enough to use the word "tremendously")!!!

SHE'S A MANIAC, MANIAC ON THE FLOOR

I am so freaking proud of myself. In my old age, I have decided to join a gym. (I'm starting to notice spider veins....ahhh!) Since I began, I've been going about 4 times a week. Moreover, I've been trying to up my time and all that, with each visit. When I walk out of there, it's like I'm that girl that used to be on the commercial, "like she just stepped out of a salon." Only I'm a sweaty, disgusting mess with a bandanna (nearly forbidden in Poland unless you're a man, an old woman, a baby, or gardening) and jogging pants. But it feels good. My legs are sore and I can barely walk to school some days, but I feel like a new woman. I have more energy and am usually (usually) in a better mood (okay, we'll say "more tolerable"). Unless you count the other night (Monday!) when the drunk teenagers were outside my window talking and being annoying. I pulled my passive aggressive card and opened the window while blaring the religious station on the radio. (It didn't work.) I would've called the cops but it's too difficult and they'd probably ignore a crazy foreigner complaining about something that's fairly normal in this neighborhood. (Did I tell you about the time I had to step over the hungover kid, passed out on the stairs, on the way to the dump at 10 am??! I had to stop and make sure he was breathing to be able to live with myself for leaving him there.)

Still dreading the presentation and that but still not doing anything about it aside from using it as an excuse to not leave my flat when I really just want to read.

Twenty-four days and counting. Next week is my interview in Krakow. Wish me luck - this job is exactly what I'm looking for (hourly pay so no more shenanigans...I hope).

PUPPET MASTER

Could not sleep last night. Beginning to wonder if the chamomile tea I have is actually caffeinated. Well, that and my increasing excitement to going home. I feel sorry for the person sitting next to me on the long flight home. Better for them if they don't speak English. Good news with the inability to sleep is that I got the beginning of my presentation mapped out and even got some free writing down. Of course, if anyone saw me I would have been thoroughly embarrassed: my skin between my fingers is so dry that I put steroid cream and socks on my hands. I was attempting to write with socks on my hands. Classic me.

The "boss" is still being ridiculous. I told her I wanted to just make sure we were on the same page for my pay this month and she answered, "I'm too busy for that." I think that means we're not on the same page.

GETTING DOWN TO THE WIRE

Woke up this morning to my favorite: the sound of rain crashing down on the pavement below. Well...that and drunk guys screaming at one another but eventually, my memory of this entire excursion will be selective so what's the harm in letting that start now. Sometimes, when I wake up on the weekend in my little bed and pull the covers off me, thinking about how I'll be going home in just a few weeks, I feel like I've been away at some camp and just counting the days. I'm not sure how I feel like that - I've never been to camp.

Been looking for something to read to my class for school at the end of the month. Our teacher has requested we read something to our classmates for 5 or 10 minutes. I found this fabulous website from Vancouver. It's a literary magazine written solely by submissions from women. That's definitely a new goal of mine - to get something published in there. Of course I have my novel goal but this would be equally rewarding. And the great thing is they list off all these other publications that the women have been showcased in and so now I not only have this magazine, but a listing of 15 or so others that I could subscribe or submit to. I was reading about one of the authors and they had written that she "lives by the sea with Edna the Cat", or something like that. At first it sounded terribly depressing but then, oddly enticing. What's become of me?!

So I'm trying to spend the weekend doing work for school but all I can do is freak out about this presentation and how I have no idea how to present it. Oh! I did take Friday night off and went fishing with my students. Fabulous. We went to this place where you fish yourself and then they cook it up for you. I had to eat it with the head and everything but somehow, I did it. I couldn't touch the thing though. Oh, and on the way there I saw a HUGE stork in her nest and yelled at my student/friend to pull over. Poor guy got so scared. I told him about how my aunt loves those birds and how I'd been wanting to get a picture for her. So I took a few snapshots. Wadja - if you're reading, these are for you. I'm thinking of you.