BIFFING AND HOOLIGANS

My Tuesday morning class suffers from my perpetual lateness. It seems that I just can't get to that class on time. I have no idea. So yesterday, I'm on my way up to the room, and I realize I forgot my tape player. So I run back downstairs, grab the tape player and start to haul ass back up. Well, I had the tape player and my water and the register in my hand and what do I do?...biff it. I totally trip on the stairs and the tape player makes this huge echo of plastic machinery against tiled stairs. Luckily, there was nobody in the area but I knew my one student was already up in the room (he, unlike me, is always on time) and would know that I knew that I was late and thus this was why I was rushing to get there on time. Totally embarrassing.

So then today, I'm walking over the bridge and I take out my cell to see if I got a message back from my friend and what do I do this time?...I drop it. I am crossing the bridge over a river and I drop my phone. I seriously watch it fall in slow motion over the side of the bridge. I let out a totally-English, "Oh shit" and watch it go. Luckily, I was to the point on the bridge where there's an embankment below and so thankfully, I see my phone hit and I am able to walk down and retrieve it. But as I'm going down, I see these two boys watching from above. (Now, a few times in Poland I have had the pleasure of a run-in with what they call "hooligans." And in only a few weeks, Poland will celebrate what they refer to as "Wet Monday"; an event where anybody walking the street can be hit with a bucket of water, a squirt gun...things of that nature. So as I walk down the stairs to the bank of the river, I can picture hooligans spitting on me or throwing stuff.) But alas, I survived, untouched and with my phone. But honestly, am I really this clumsy?

ONE HEAD-SHAVING WITH A SIDE OF CABBAGE PLEASE

What do I have to get at the hairdresser to not be charged an arm and a leg?

Seriously, the woman there is really nice but I think she thinks I'm loaded. This is the second time I went there and it was 50 freaking zloty (that's how much I charge for an hour private lesson) for an intensive hair mask and a blow dry. (I can't tell her that I don't need her to blow dry my hair! Besides, I think it's really weird to walk out without getting your hair "done"; I saw a guy put product in a five year old's hair today. For real.) On top of that, I'm not able to dye my hair back to its original color (I have successfully killed my hair) so I'm stuck with red hair and roots. Sucks. I never learn! So I'm thinking of shaving my head again, or going really, really short. And then seriously - no more all-over dying when it's grown out. I've had it.

Lately, in addition to my craving for normal hair, I've been craving my low-carb tuna pita with alfalfa and cucumbers. I can't wait. But then when I actually sit and think about it, getting the luxuries from home only means that I don't get the Polish food anymore. There's definitely some tastes that I've acquired since I've gotten here and I'm nervous I won't be able to duplicate them in the states. No more golambki, no more weird vegetarian pita from the train station that gives me horrible garlic breath and gas for three hours, no more vast variety of nalesnikis to choose from. What's a girl to do?

LUBIE CZEKOLADA

Lately, again, I'm getting that overwhelming feeling that everything is amazing. Life is gorgeous, a blessing. The rain is a drizzle that catches me without my umbrella, there's a never-ending overcast that hangs over Opole, my classes really piss me off sometimes, I have a chill that I can't seem to get out of my bones, and I live on peas and corn but for some reason, I feel so alive.

Is it Polska?
Eh....not so sure about that.
Is it freedom from anything binding or boring that I may have known in my "past" life?
Er....maybe.
Is it the recent recognition of philosophical and sociological predictions backed by human relations forming patterns before my eyes?
Possibly....but I'm not so sure I know what I just said.
Is it the Excedrin migraine pills mixed with coffee that I took at 6:30 this morning?
Ummmm....more than likely.

Okay, so that may attribute to this morning's ecstasy but in all honesty, there are times I feel like I just can't not smile. Sometimes I feel like my heart is literally going to crack open from so much, I don't even know what the hell's in there. What's wrong with me?!

I guess maybe I have this newfound appreciation for everything and it amazes me what little things can do; a new friend to travel with, hearing from someone I haven't heard from in years, a guilt-free indulgence in chocolate, an "I miss you" from a friend - but all seeming to be things that can attribute to me waking up randomly at 2:30 in the morning and just smiling.

ANOTHER DAY, ANOTHER ZLOTY

Okay, the dog poo is getting a little ridiculous. It's like I'm walking through Spencer's gift shop sometimes. I feel like I'm about to get to the aisle with the fart pills and the old posters of Samantha Fox. C'mon now.

There seems to be an extreme dog poo problem in Poland. People let their dogs poo anywhere. No wonder Poles are remembered for being stoic people; I'd be pretty damn stoic if I spent my entire life trying to avoid stepping in shit. Well, literal shit at least.

Today is going awesome, aside from the everyday poo thing that I deal with. The girls in the office and I have a new understanding - and it's amazing how much that can change how you feel at work. I'm so much more chipper and I just have a better attitude. Granted, it may be partly because they need us to pick up a bunch more classes but at this point, I don't really care.

Today was also payday, which could have a big impact on my mood as well. Getting paid more for working less (I changed my contract hours and salary) is awesome. Of course I had to remind my boss about the agreement we made (she "forgot" that my overtime was after 24 hours and not 26...tsk, tsk) but she fixed it as soon as I brought it to her attention.

Also going to Wroclaw this weekend. I'm not drinking (still got that dizzy thing going on - did i ever write about that??) but I'm shopping and getting my groove on. It should be fun. Girl's weekend.

Also addicted to the Michael Buble cd that I wanted to burn before I left the states. One of my student's let me borrow it and I can't stop singing - it's fabulous. Especially that song, "Home"....

SINGIN' THE BLUES...LITERALLY

My roommate's gone to Wroclaw with her relatives so I am left here to spend a Sunday with myself. Which is what I normally do anyhow (I have a habit of locking myself in the kitchen and reading at the table) but it's different when there's nobody around. I forget during the week that when she's gone to a class, I can sing. I noticed today that I can't remember the last time I sang aloud (not counting the pathetic attempt at "Up On the Housetop" during my kid's Christmas lesson). I never sing anymore and when she stepped out that door today, something told me to put in a jazz cd and sing my little heart out. It was great.

I'm now working on a lesson plan for my students in Kluczbork. They want a lesson on jazz because they know I enjoy it. They couldn't be more awesome. So I've been putting it off because planning a lesson from scratch takes forever...and a day. They also want one on prohibition (they're fascinated by this occurence in US history), American government (I'm terrified of this lesson as I know nothing and I'm sure they know more already), and Al Capone and the mafia.

Got a comment on my last page from my friend Kimberly. To clear up any confusion, yes, I will be home this summer. My program is a two year program but it only requires me to be in Poland for two weeks, twice out of the year. Other than that, we should be teaching abroad for the remainder of the time but I'm finding this isn't an enforced rule. So yes, I will be home to rock a bachelorette party in Vegas and my girl Mary's wedding in September. But I'll be honest: although this is the "excuse" I hand fellow bohemians for why I'm going back to the states (you really do end up working an entire summer just for a return ticket back to Europe), I'd be coming home anyhow. I love NY.

ELDERLY BIKINI BLUES

I afraid, that in the past 6 months, I've somehow become too old for a bikini.

I've been talking with a friend I met in Krakow, who lives in Italy, and thinking that I may go to the beaches for a vacation sometime in the future. So this morning, before getting dressed in my lovely teacher attire (jeans and my staple teacher turtleneck or grandma sweater), I tried my bikini on for size. I've been walking a ton and trying to eat less fatty foods (trying...) and was hoping that this would show in this morning's personal fashion show. For some reason, I wasn't convinced. I'm not really sure if it's my own perception of myself or if I've finally passed my personal age where a bikini is unacceptable. I guess I was inspired when the friend wrote, "pack your bikini, or swimsuit" in his email. Obviously, he doesn't think I'm too old; why do I?

So wish me luck. I'm about to write an email seeing if I can get a Monday off during the week we have Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday already off. I've picked up some classes lately, and am one of the few teachers sticking around at this school (a Polish teacher actually asked me yesterday if I was planning on staying...and she meant just till the end of this year). It would be nice to see someplace other than Poland and the airport in Vienna.

20 MINUTES OF EARLY-MORNING RANT

I can't believe it's 4:45am. I woke up to a dream that my school was going to make me somehow teach English on Friday nights, in a pool. C'mon now, how am I having these dreams?

Yesterday, we had a teacher's meeting with the administration of the school. So much has already gone down in the way of their attitutes towards us, the way they behave or threaten us, and our contracts that, the damage has already been done. When I first arrived, my roommate was the one to pick me up at the train station. Granted, there was a mix-up with the information but it would be in the school's interest to have some kind of way to check emails on the weekends. For all I know, they do but they just didn't do it. If the roomie hadn't picked me up, who knows what may have happened. Secondly, I was never apologized to for this. Not difficult but would have meant a lot. After this, we were never really told in a clear manner what time to be at the school for "training." We arrived at 8:00 and were told that the boss wouldn't come till 2:00 and that the meeting wasn't till that Thursday. I booked my plane ticket at the last minute because of a supposed orientation week. This was never really explained to me.

Later that week, we had our teacher's meeting. There was discussion on a position for resource manager. All of us native speakers were not only new at this particular school but new at teaching as well. We were threatened into someone taking the position or the books would be locked up. No new teacher wants to hear this when they've never taught a lesson before! No access to materials for planning?!

Our working hours consist, according to our contract, of 26 teaching hours, an hour and a half of "standby" and a teacher's meeting every week. I have been to 4 teachers meetings this year - not by choice but because that is the amount we've been offered. So, naturally, when we were told we had to have an hour of "office hours" and an hour of conversation club (on Monday nights!), we assumed we got paid for this. We were answered with an "it's in your contract." Well, I looked over the contract and it's not. "Then, it's in the school policy." Okay, it's there. But I signed the contract, not the policy. Oh no, slipperily, I signed that policy as well. Neatly under the written hours of the contract, made to look like it states I am signing the contract, it says, "I have read and understand and agree to the terms in the school policy." Very smooth.

So one of the teachers complained, again. Four, count it, four teachers have resigned since January. Somehow, we were finally heard...for now. We had a meeting and during this, we were asked what was ambigious with our contract. I stated, "nothing now - I've had 6 months to figure it out." (I of course, did this in a diplomatic, non-confrontational way.) My problem now: my roommate needs a ride to the store to buy more tapes and cds to copy class listening exercises for teachers. I privately told her I would give her a ride since she's scared to drive. She gets paid a monthly fee for doing this resource job. Well, once I agreed to it, I was given other "little things" on a trickling basis, from admin, to buy. Just posterboard and chocolates for the "St. Patty's quiz thing." Okay, I'll let it go. Well, then I'm asked to make this poster. Here's where my problem lies.

This is time out of my day. I'm driving my roommate to this store and now I'm stuck with extra work. It won't take me too long but it will take an hour, at least, to pull it all together. I don't work for free. Or at least not for people that have treated me in the way this school has in the past. So, do I write this hour on my timesheet and risk having to deal with explaining myself and looking like a money-grubbing jerk? Or do I let it go and just do the damn hour and not volunteer again?

HAPPY WOMEN'S DAY...FOR REAL!

I am SO sorry it's been so long. This computer is really driving me crazy. For some reason, the internet likes to be all funky and only hook up for short periods of time. Which is cool though - it keeps me from watching pointless stuff on youtube and gives me more time to spend on my latest obsession: reading. I love when I remember how cool reading and libraries are. Got my very own library card today. Of course it will mainly be used to borrow books in English but still...pretty neat. There's something about the feeling you get when you walk into the library...

Today is Women's Day. I must have been wished a Happy Women's Day by at least 5 men, and my private student even brought me a flower! It's so great. I don't think men in the states even know that there is such a day. It's amazing that I've seen more flowers from the shop, in women's hands, in the 6 months I've been in Poland than in my 27 years in the states.

NOUN: JEALOUSY....ADJECTIVE: JEALOUS

Today we discussed noun and adjectives. I don't normally teach on Thursday mornings but one of the teachers, a friend that I really will miss, is jumping on a train to Warsaw tonight. She'll be heading out of Poland on a plane, back to her home country, South Africa, tomorrow morning. She decided this yesterday.

My school does not know how to treat the teachers that it employees. I picked up this one class because honestly, I couldn't think of a quick reason why I couldn't (what am I doing at 7am...really?) and I could use the few extra zloty...if they actually pay me. My friend went to tell the school that her father is ill (this is true) and that she would be leaving the following day. The director at ILS replied, "your father is not ill." When my friend proceeded to tell her that he is in fact ill and that she only has one dad, our director had the audacity to reply, "yes, but they have a lot of new research for cancer these days." Unbelievable.

So my fellow colleague put in her resignation and decided, at the request of another teacher, to advise our director of just how unhappy her native speaking body is. The director didn't listen. She's had three native speakers resign in a matter of two months and she still doesn't get the picture. She would rather fight back and say she is not a certain way than to realize that obviously, something is not working right.

I wrote in the headline that I may be a bit jealous. Don't get me wrong with this though. Being here has taught me a lot. I feel like I've come more into my own than I would have dreamed of and I feel like I'm just waking up. But the thought of going home and seeing my family, and my friends, it's like Dorothy walking from the black and white to the color. This whole world that you already know, is somehow different now - brighter.