FINDING A HOME WITHIN MYSELF

Today we did a discussion on "success" and I came back to the question I was discussing with a friend before I left; "Can you ever just be happy and content with your life?"

The question stands as this. Can you ever just not have a goal and not being looking forward to something? A degree, a vacation, a budding romance? When I came to Poland, my focus was on the injustices of the school. Right there, already not happy. When things became bearable (not good but bearable) and I got internet, I began looking at what I was going to do when I went home (in terms of my career and where I was going to live) and wasn't living "in the moment." For some reason, lately, I have been okay. I have recognized that I really like living abroad sometimes and I'm not sure when I'll go back "for good." With this recognition, and the recognition that I didn't really need to make any decisions lately (in regards to next year or this summer), I settled. And it was so good. But at the same time, it somewhat made me nervous. Am I content? In Poland?? Did I finally find someplace that I belong, and it's halfway around the world, or did I just finally find someplace in myself that I feel comfortable with? How did this happen? How did I become, shall we say, okay?

MONEY AND FRIENDS

Lately, and it may have something to do with making slightly more money, I've been in this awesome mood. I have my moments, as anybody that truly knows me, knows I have. But on the whole, I've been almost elated lately. I am enjoying walking everywhere, my classes seem, for some reason, easier to plan for since I returned from Nowy Sacz. I don't know, I guess maybe I'm getting settled.

My friend from school is coming over this weekend. I'm attempting to make bigos; a Polish dish of basically whatever's in the kitchen thrown into a pot and cooked. It's delicious if it's made correctly though. I attempted to do it at home when I got back from Poland last time but it was a disaster and I ended up throwing the whole thing out. This time, I have special spices I bought that will hopefully help. And for some reason, the meat here is usually really good (Polish McDonald's is the best!); no gristle. Also, my friend Peter from Nowy Sacz will possibly be coming to visit. It's amazing what a little extra money will allow one to do. I can actually hang out with people now!

DON'T TALK TO THE HAND

Quickly jumping on before the internet decides not to work again.

Yesterday, I walked halfway home and realized I made copies to plan my lesson, but for the wrong class. I was just so exhausted from walking the same route, I took the bus home. Today, I did my normal half hour walk to school, then went to the main grocery center, a twenty minute walk in the opposite direction from home, and then attempted to find my way home from that - walking around Opole for a good 45 minutes. But it was fabulous. I was just doing my thing. Then I went and bought a bus ticket for later (successfully), bought yarn to make a blanket for my Kluczbork students that are pregnant with their first child (successfully!) and then said "good morning" and carried on a coherent (although quick) conversation with the gypsies standing in the entranceway to my flat (successfully). I'm so excited! I had three successful Polish conversations (okay...not conversations, more like transactions that I understood) within a 10 minute timespan; I feel so accomplished!

FRUSTRATION AND A BEER FESTIVAL

I have been working on this computer for a half hour and I finally got the internet working again. Having to try and understand the logistics of an internet hook-up is difficult enough in itself; trying to do it when the hard drive is in Polish is a whole other ballgame.

Handed in my signed and renegotiated contract at the school today. I settled a little less than what I was hoping for but she brought my hours down so that anything over 24 is overtime. That will help. I just wasn't ready to pack all my stuff up and find another place to live for only 3 months. It really would have been a hassle. So I'm getting a discount on my tuition, but not really (long story) and will have a little more money for my monthly salary. Plus, I have a steady private student that I teach now so that should help as well. I'm hoping to save a couple hundred zloty to go to the Heineken festival in late June/early July. Beastie Boys, Bjork, Sonic Youth and The Roots. Oh, and camping-it's a two day festival. Oh, and getting to see northern Poland which I haven't done yet!

I CANNOT SEE CLEARLY NOW, THE RAIN'S STILL HERE

Okay. Not looking so good. We've had our meeting with Gosia boss and she offered 1800. She told us she would stop at that and although I was unprepared to do so, I handed in my resignation with Carrie. At that point, she seemed to get a little nervous. She broke out her calculator and started pulling out numbers and basically trapped herself; we should be getting around 2100 with what she worked out. Uh-oh. So then she said she had to figure it out with us not getting the bonus since we didn't finish out the contract. So she started punching numbers in and got nervous and asked if we could meet in a few minutes after she worked it out herself. Carrie's pretty sure she's calling our director to complain about us putting in a resignation and leaving her in the middle of the year. I tried to explain to her that we're not trying to exploit or take advantage of her but that we believe we should be compensated accordingly. I pulled out the contract that I had showing that she pays for flights to and from England, twice, and she claims that this is the contract for the British teachers as they don't have to pay for the visa. I explained that I paid for my visa in the states. She came back claiming that the work certificate cost 1000 zloty. I highly doubt it. So now we're basically waiting for her to come back with another figure and we'll see where to go from there. I really don't feel like picking up and moving but I'll feel silly if I accept something that isn't what I deserve.

MEETING AT 2:00...OR SHOULD I SAY 14:00

Have our meeting at 2. I'm not really sure why our boss thinks that we're asking too much. I have seen jobs posted in Poland that offer much more than what we are making, and some of them include housing as well. We make 730 zl a month and then they pay 1000 zl to our master's program. That works out to 1730 zl a month plus accomodation. Now we work 26 contact hours a week, which is also more than normal. I have seen job postings for the surrounding area that offer 3000-4000 zl a month! Now those don't include housing but supposedly our rent is 650 each, per month. I can't believe that she thinks our asking for an increase in salary is not logical. Can't wait to see how this pans out. We're a little nervous that she might pull out her own calculator which as my roommate put it so well, works differently than ours. We will see.

NO LONGER A POLISH PRINCESS?

Sent our request to our boss today for the new contract. She wrote back that she doesn't think that she can give us as much as we're asking. I don't know how this is all going to pan out. We worked it out and the minimal asking that I think we should, or could, settle on, is 2100 zl a month. We asked for 2500. I don't think that with our master's program almost finished, and her knowledge that we're good teachers and our student's enjoy our classes, that that's too much to ask. But we'll see. It's possible that I may have to change the name of this website in the next week or so. That would be crazy. And I'm really upset because as much as I don't like the school sometimes, I really don't want to have to pick up and leave now. And although I'm not a fan of all my ILS classes, I LOVE my classes in Kluczbork and am trying to figure out if it might be possible to keep them if I leave ILS (even though I'm sure they have some kind of contract with ILS). There's a job in Opole, at another school, and it's possible that if I went there, I might be able to keep my classes in Kluczbork if I talked to the director there. But then again, that would be crazy 'cause that school is offering less than what we're asking for. I'll find out soon enough how it all pans out.

HAIRS CUT

Whew! Just left the hair salon and I'm okay. It worked out. I woke up just 15 minutes before my appointment (talking to Lindsey till 2 am will do that) but luckily, the salon is just down the street. When I first got there, it was just the hairdresser and another young woman. By the time I left, there was 3 hairdressers, 3 gentleman, and probably about 4 ladies. I'm pretty sure they all knew I didn't speak Polish and they were all so nice. The one guy getting his haircut next to me pulled out an English word and said, "beautiful!" with a big smile on his face. I answered with the minimal Polish I know, "dziekuje bardzo!" (thank you very much) which made everyone go "whooo!" and then laugh. Too fun. It was nice. Granted, I think the language barrier prevented me from paying a price I would have been more comfortable with (I went in thinking around 40 zl and walked out paying 110) but it's okay. She was a really sweet woman and did what she could to save this wretched 'do of mine. She didn't trim the dead part but she alluded that the chunk that is horribly dead was fine now (she put some great smelling conditioner concoction in and let me sit for a while). I'm letting it be now and not showering but am a little nervous that the first time I'll get to "play" with it is tomorrow morning at 5am. She put some kind of coloring in that she didn't wash and I'm afraid I should let it sit. So now I'm off to teach my class with little clips of my hair on my face and no shower.

SETTLING IN AFTER JUST 5 MONTHS?

Sometimes, in this wacky world I call Poland, I get a great jolt of energy. I'm not sure how it happens but I wish I could make a definite association with something I'm doing and that great feeling. So many times, I look around me and think, "how did I get here and why am I here?" Many times, I try to answer that with something positive (this doesn't always work). Luckily, I had an awesome time in Nowy Sacz and recognized once again, from the help of my colleagues, why I'm here.

I have been waiting all my life to do this; to live abroad and teach - and now that I'm here, I'm freaking out and missing the whole experience. One minute I want to hop on the next plane home and the next, I'm not sure I ever want to go back. This doesn't mean that I want to live in Poland forever (although crazier things have happened) but I'm not so sure my traveling itch is gone after just 5 months.

Yesterday, I looked out the window and saw a Poland that I only see rarely. It was just a few lit windows across the street but it was a picture in my mind that I had seen before I got here - little things that just look beautiful on their own. Or make you think of a feeling that makes you feel like you've settled into something really comfortable and somehow, already known. Difficult to explain, I suppose. But anyhow, for that minute, I was good. I forgot about people pushing in front of me on the bus or giving me odd looks in the grocery store. I just remembered the fact that I was doing something that I set out to do and for that, I'm so grateful. So for now, I'm good. I'm really good. And part of me hopes that it lasts but part of me is afraid of what might happen if it does.

IRONY

I'm in tech class and we're learning how to set up a blog...on blogger. Coincidental. So it seems that I'll spend the class time working on my webquest - something we learned about the other day. These things are great. http://webquest.sdsu.edu/ You basically come up with a task that a group of students have to accomplish using the web. There's usually a role for each student and they have to bring something different to the group for the final product. I've been putting off teaching American politics for my Kluczbork class and this is perfect. My director for that school has been suggesting that I make them do research on the internet for various topics so I'm basically going to have them teach me about my government. Then again, they probably already know more than I do at this point.

DREAMS

I've been a week in Nowy Sacz. Most of the time has been spent hanging out with everyone - which has been really nice. We had to do a powerpoint presentation on ourselves and it was so awesome to see pictures and places of where everyone has gone. I'm still homesick but it was like a shot of remembering why I'm here and why I'm doing this. I have a couple friends that are currently living in Spain and at this point, I want nothing more than to hop on the plane and go back with them. I'm really not looking forward to Opole but I think I just need to go out more. I've been to so many restaurants and bars here since I came in last weekend and it just makes my life seem a little more real. Not so much like I'm living for work.
Woke up this morning from some weird dreams. I was teaching a spontaneous class and it actually turned out well. I think it's from my researching ways to teach grammar last night. Then I dreamt that my nana called me - which wouldn't happen. So more dreams and more stress while I'm sleeping and then my mind wakes up. I don't open my eyes but I can hear my roommate coughing and I slightly freak out. I haven't slept in the same room as someone, besides slumber parties, for years and it takes me a good 5 seconds to figure out where I am. My mind flips through my life as I've known it for the past few years and I finally figure out I'm in a small mountain town in the south of Poland. Whew...

VACATION FROM SCHOOL, FOR SCHOOL

After months of teaching in Opole, I can't believe I'm about to say this but I'm SO glad to be in Nowy Sacz. This is one of the smallest mountain towns but getting to see all my school friends (see example above) and just getting to hang out, is awesome. The classes are great. The first one we have in the morning begins at 8am and although it's early, it's a technology class. Most of the time we spend either watching people's PowerPoint presentations or making our own websites. After breaking for lunch at noon, we begin our second class at 1:15. This teacher has so much experience and great controversial stuff that makes me think-something I love to do. Plus - he doesn't want us to get burned out so he usually ends class at least 45 minutes before 5. So needed. Both teachers aren't giving much work outside the class so my nights are spent catching up with these crazy friends of mine.