Today we did a discussion on "success" and I came back to the question I was discussing with a friend before I left; "Can you ever just be happy and content with your life?"
The question stands as this. Can you ever just not have a goal and not being looking forward to something? A degree, a vacation, a budding romance? When I came to Poland, my focus was on the injustices of the school. Right there, already not happy. When things became bearable (not good but bearable) and I got internet, I began looking at what I was going to do when I went home (in terms of my career and where I was going to live) and wasn't living "in the moment." For some reason, lately, I have been okay. I have recognized that I really like living abroad sometimes and I'm not sure when I'll go back "for good." With this recognition, and the recognition that I didn't really need to make any decisions lately (in regards to next year or this summer), I settled. And it was so good. But at the same time, it somewhat made me nervous. Am I content? In Poland?? Did I finally find someplace that I belong, and it's halfway around the world, or did I just finally find someplace in myself that I feel comfortable with? How did this happen? How did I become, shall we say, okay?
1 comment:
maybe it's that you are finally feeling comfortable with you? i dunno.
i think there's something wonderful and freeing about studying abroad. you can be whomever you want, you can say and do whatever you want and no one can say "hey, ilona wouldn't do that!" becuase no one knows you, your potential, your fears, your restrictions, whatever. maybe you're finding comfort in people not judging you or not expecting your next move. you call the shots and that's that.
i dunno if that makes sense, but it does in my silly head. :) i'm so glad things are going well there. is there a weather change? spring yet? snow melting? whatever the change i'm glad you're feeling at peace.
i suddenly have a very strong urge to drink a coke float.
MISS AND LOVE YOU!
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