WHEN THE LIGHTS, GO DOWN, IN THE CITY

Had a wonderful weekend. After the presentation, I went out with most everyone from the program. It was a good time and I didn't stay out later than I should (as I usually do). Although I had a nice hangover the next morning, I still went to the lake as planned. It was so worth it. There was a beautiful view and friends just relaxing and passing around a guitar. Very mellow and very needed.

Getting ready to head back home. I was sure that someone would be heading to Warsaw Friday night and I wouldn't have to go it alone but it's looking like that's not the case. Luckily I met a new friend before leaving Opole and he can hopefully meet me in Warsaw as that's where he lives. Even though I'm excited to see my family, I will be sad to leave Poland and my first experience of living abroad behind.

EEEEEE!

It's finally done - the dreaded presentation that prevented me from eating lunch today and caused me to feel that I should wake up and run this morning. It's done! And I feel so excellent because of it - for a number of reasons. First - I HATE presentations. For some reason, I have been conditioned to all the horrible things that can happen to one during a presentation. Because of this, I actually prayed to God that I wouldn't have it happen too bad. Now, as you all know, I LOVE thunderstorms and one of the things I had prayed for, was rain. (It makes me calmer, what can I say?) Well, the night before my presentation, the skies cracked open with an unbelievable downpour, fierce lightning and some distant thunder rolls. It was awesome. And it made me smile so huge because someone up there, was actually listening to me. It was phenomenal. Second reason is that it didn't go so bad - and I actually shared something extremely personal with my entire class: the death threat I received in high school. While I wasn't comfortable saying it was mine when I read it in the beginning, I shared at the very end that this was part of what skewed my ideas about co-educational environments. It felt really good. Oh! And on another note, the teacher mentioned the one really good paper idea that he liked (and he's a difficult man) and it was mine! I was so excited. It feels good to feel that your professors believe that what you are saying is intelligent.

So tonight, it's off for a few beers and then tomorrow, shopping for teacher presents with a friend, joining up with other friends later to go to the lake, and then finishing off the day cooking kielbasas in the park. I can't wait.

PILL POP?

Luckily, I have memorized what buttons need to be pressed in order to publish my blog but unfortunately, I think I may have just deleted a comment. (Sorry Kimberly!) I'm currently on a different hard drive than I've been on all year and it seems that I don't know how to switch it into English. To answer the comment though, I am not back in Rochester (yet!) - still in Poland (till next Friday) but just finishing up a semester of school...and it's dreadful. I have an hour presentation to do with another colleague and I'm dreading it, and I'm so pissed about it! I am SO confident in women's issues and women's ideas and I'm doing my presentation (and a class reading) on single-sexed classrooms. But for some reason, I still can't help fully freaking out before I have to go up there. I'm totally not nervous - in fact, I'm almost kinda excited - but I still can't help the physical reaction my body goes through. It's like I'm conditioned to that reaction and there's absolutely nothing I can do about it. Maybe it's because before I didn't really care about the material and now I do (and everyone else knows I do) and so I feel compelled to be interesting and introspective and all that. I don't know. All I know is that I want so BAD to be a good speaker but no matter how hard I try, I just can't seem to master that damn skill! Isn't there a pill I can pop?

LAST MORNIN' IN OPOLE

I should be (that should be my new catch phrase) packing the rest of my stuff seeing as I'm leaving Opole in less than two hours but I'm frustrated at the fact that I don't think I'll be able to fit it all and I don't know what to do. I think it means that I'm going to have to open up the "no-open" suitcase that I packed last night (souvenirs and winter stuff) and pull out a jogging suit or sneakers and part with them. That sucks so bad. But I have nice clothes that need to go back more than a jogging suit so I just have to deal. I would send it back home but 1. it's Sunday and I hightly doubt the post office is open and 2. I have barely any money since the director at my (former!) school is a cheat and scammed us out of 451 zloty for "overlimit water usage." It's such a crock. I had it out with her really bad and told her she could either give me my money or I was going on the Internet to post how ridiculous her school is and for all TEFL teachers not to work there. She kept babbling (after saying she would do the same to me) and indirectly chose the latter. So, once I'm settled in and have a minute, I'm going to write a nice, long warning to all my fellow teachers about what an unsupportive school ILS is. It's sad that this is what I leave with - this horrible taste in my mouth from that woman but the good news, it was temporarily forgotten thanks to a great night out with friends and students on Friday.

ERRR...KIDS?

Had my interview in Krakow yesterday and it didn't go as well as I'd hoped. First of all, she made me really nervous saying that she's not sure how good a fit the school is because most of the classes are kids. Well, she's right with that. And the money doesn't seem as good as I had thought - what with me paying 1000 zl a month for a flat (ridiculous as I could probably get one in Krakow for the same amount), 200 or so for my own health insurance, having to pay for my own training if I want it, and no free Polish classes. It's sounding a little less appealing than I had previously thought. So, I'm currently on the hunt, once again, for something in Rzeszow. I looked a little online last night when I got back (until about 1 am) and then started again at 5 am this morning when I woke up. So far, I think I've found one position. The thing is, I could take this job and then just cross my fingers that 1. I like it or 2. I find something else when I get there but I feel bad having the school do all the work and paperwork (let alone pay for my visa) when I'm most likely gonna find something else when I get there. But my friend Peter (he's Polish) says that in Poland, with work, it's every man for himself. You can't think about the employer at all because the employer doesn't think about you. I hate bad karma though.

PROS

• they pay hourly (which can also be bad during holidays)
• only twenty hours a week
• it's near my family
• natives don't teach grammar
• I get my own copy of textbooks, teacher's books, tapes and workbooks

CONS

• they pay hourly
• it's kids
• surprise observations
• I'd have to pay for my own health insurance
• 1000 zl a month for the flat
• I'd have to pay for September's rent even though I wouldn't be there
• no Polish classes
• I'd have to pay for my own training if I wanted it

Back to the job hunt.

WORLD'S WORST (OR SHOULD I SAY, BEST?) PROCRASTINATOR

aliceneel.com

It is currently 10:12 am and I have successfully dodged working on my upcoming presentation for...about 2 hours now. I woke up so diligently at 6:30 am and did work for about an hour and a half but after needing to jump online for some additional research, I folded. I need to begin the PowerPoint design part but working on that is so final, thus the reason why I'm such a procrastinator when it comes to these things. I have been escaping the aforementioned work by:

1. reading (and forwarding the link to unsuspecting friends) a fabulous website I stumbled on when I was researching my topic of single-sexed schools.


2. daydreaming about my future home.


3. logging into facebook, adding quotes and reading notes.


4. cooking onions and eggs.


5. catching up on my correspondence.


6. being quiet so as to (hopefully) not wake up the roomies.


7. calling a taxi (successfully, might I add) for my one roommate to go to work. (How is she a waitress when she doesn't even speak the language??)


8. daydreaming about my future, again, but this time more generally.


9. downloading Alice Neel paintings to use as my new, inspiring desktop.


10. writing in my blog about how I am currently (and successfully, might I add) putting off my work.

RUMBLIN' MOVIE TIME

There's a rumble of thunder outside and the trees are waving poetically in the wind. You know what that means - time to blog. I love it!

Went shopping with Maja today and spent way too much money. But I like to think that it's probably the last time I'll go shopping before I go home. As of today, I have exactly 3 weeks till I saunter into Rochester International (c'mon, you can really call it that just because it goes to Canada?) and freak out at my family. (They're gonna be so embarrassed.)

Almost time to watch a movie as I just saw a bolt of lightening.

TREMENDOUSLY

Went to the gym this morning. The walk there was better than the walk back. I don't know why I was so exhausted and didn't want to do anything when I was there. I had to though; there was a surprise attack of beers in Kluczbork yesterday. And food with cream. When did this happen to me? Good thing I'm not too particular. Today we're hooking up pizza and summer drinks (thanks for the recipe in your blog, Kimberly!) with a friend.

Bought some new shoes, new glasses and found out I have two extra classes next week. That wasn't fun. Well, the extra classes part. Still haven't finished everything with my presentation but I have all weekend to finish it up. And the train ride to Krakow to perfect it. And as of tomorrow, I will be home in 3 weeks! I can't wait. I miss everyone tremendously (which means, enough to use the word "tremendously")!!!

SHE'S A MANIAC, MANIAC ON THE FLOOR

I am so freaking proud of myself. In my old age, I have decided to join a gym. (I'm starting to notice spider veins....ahhh!) Since I began, I've been going about 4 times a week. Moreover, I've been trying to up my time and all that, with each visit. When I walk out of there, it's like I'm that girl that used to be on the commercial, "like she just stepped out of a salon." Only I'm a sweaty, disgusting mess with a bandanna (nearly forbidden in Poland unless you're a man, an old woman, a baby, or gardening) and jogging pants. But it feels good. My legs are sore and I can barely walk to school some days, but I feel like a new woman. I have more energy and am usually (usually) in a better mood (okay, we'll say "more tolerable"). Unless you count the other night (Monday!) when the drunk teenagers were outside my window talking and being annoying. I pulled my passive aggressive card and opened the window while blaring the religious station on the radio. (It didn't work.) I would've called the cops but it's too difficult and they'd probably ignore a crazy foreigner complaining about something that's fairly normal in this neighborhood. (Did I tell you about the time I had to step over the hungover kid, passed out on the stairs, on the way to the dump at 10 am??! I had to stop and make sure he was breathing to be able to live with myself for leaving him there.)

Still dreading the presentation and that but still not doing anything about it aside from using it as an excuse to not leave my flat when I really just want to read.

Twenty-four days and counting. Next week is my interview in Krakow. Wish me luck - this job is exactly what I'm looking for (hourly pay so no more shenanigans...I hope).

PUPPET MASTER

Could not sleep last night. Beginning to wonder if the chamomile tea I have is actually caffeinated. Well, that and my increasing excitement to going home. I feel sorry for the person sitting next to me on the long flight home. Better for them if they don't speak English. Good news with the inability to sleep is that I got the beginning of my presentation mapped out and even got some free writing down. Of course, if anyone saw me I would have been thoroughly embarrassed: my skin between my fingers is so dry that I put steroid cream and socks on my hands. I was attempting to write with socks on my hands. Classic me.

The "boss" is still being ridiculous. I told her I wanted to just make sure we were on the same page for my pay this month and she answered, "I'm too busy for that." I think that means we're not on the same page.

GETTING DOWN TO THE WIRE

Woke up this morning to my favorite: the sound of rain crashing down on the pavement below. Well...that and drunk guys screaming at one another but eventually, my memory of this entire excursion will be selective so what's the harm in letting that start now. Sometimes, when I wake up on the weekend in my little bed and pull the covers off me, thinking about how I'll be going home in just a few weeks, I feel like I've been away at some camp and just counting the days. I'm not sure how I feel like that - I've never been to camp.

Been looking for something to read to my class for school at the end of the month. Our teacher has requested we read something to our classmates for 5 or 10 minutes. I found this fabulous website from Vancouver. It's a literary magazine written solely by submissions from women. That's definitely a new goal of mine - to get something published in there. Of course I have my novel goal but this would be equally rewarding. And the great thing is they list off all these other publications that the women have been showcased in and so now I not only have this magazine, but a listing of 15 or so others that I could subscribe or submit to. I was reading about one of the authors and they had written that she "lives by the sea with Edna the Cat", or something like that. At first it sounded terribly depressing but then, oddly enticing. What's become of me?!

So I'm trying to spend the weekend doing work for school but all I can do is freak out about this presentation and how I have no idea how to present it. Oh! I did take Friday night off and went fishing with my students. Fabulous. We went to this place where you fish yourself and then they cook it up for you. I had to eat it with the head and everything but somehow, I did it. I couldn't touch the thing though. Oh, and on the way there I saw a HUGE stork in her nest and yelled at my student/friend to pull over. Poor guy got so scared. I told him about how my aunt loves those birds and how I'd been wanting to get a picture for her. So I took a few snapshots. Wadja - if you're reading, these are for you. I'm thinking of you.

KIELBASA HEAVEN

Went to dinner with a friend.
We were eating outside.
There was an awning above.
Something hit the one above the table next to us
then hit the floor.
It was a raw sausage.

It's raining sausages in Poland,
literally.

ZAKOPANE MOUNTAIN WOMAN

Just call me "mountain woman!"

I finally saw Zakopane and although I didn't see as much of the mountains as I would have liked to, I still had an absolutely fabulous time. I went with a friend/student that is almost as lazy as me and we were able to sit, shop, watch people, drink, eat, sit and eat some more. It was great!

I haven't written in a while so even though this news of Zakopane is new, it isn't all. I went to Piastanalia (I'm pretty much positive that I spelled that wrong), the university "party" festival that lasts three days. There's concerts and drinking and eating. But mostly a lot of drinking. I went Wednesday night as my morning class cancelled and I didn't have to teach until Thursday at 3:30. I drank slightly too much Piast beer and was way hungover the next day. I went to class though (I'm a trooper when I'm the one to do the damage) and came home to plan my next lesson after scarfing down some pizza. Around 9:00pm, I felt extremely ill and had to go to bed. I was shaking and sooo cold. I had the heat cranked in my room, socks over the bottom of my pants, a t-shirt and long johns and I was still freezing. Finally got to sleep but was waking up in the middle of the night. When morning came, I showered, got clean pajamas on, and called in sick. By the afternoon, I had caught up on my sleep and was able to make it to Kluczbork. That night, after my students scared me into thinking I might possibly have sepsa (the fatal drinking virus in the surrounding towns), I was on a train to Zakopane.

SQUeeeeeZING IN ONE LAST TRIP

Heading to Zakopane this weekend and I'm very excited. A friend of mine and I will be hopping on the night train on Friday and spending the weekend (hopefully) with the "mountain people" drinking strong vodka and eating sausages. Yeah!!! I'm hoping to find some regional-specific vodka but am a little nervous as to how potent it can be. (Check out the link below.)

http://www.allheadlinenews.com/articles/7006764717

Also very excited about next year's prospects. I've decided that since I won't be able to see my great aunt this coming June (I would have to skip this semester of school), I'm coming back to Poland next year and moving (if I can find a job) to Rzeszow - the city she lives closest to. I don't go drinking, I don't even really go out exploring - living close to family is ideal for me. I only hope that she'll want to see me as often as I'd like to visit. Family is one of the main reasons I am here and I feel so lucky that I'll be so close to family when I return.

NERD ALERT

I am currently working on my presentation for school this June: half-hour on the topic of single-sexed schools, which I know nothing about. And without adequate access to online journals or books in English, I'm not that confident in the information I'm gathering.

I have found a website to help put together this fairly random presentation. I recognize that I make way too big a deal out of these things (the majority of my classmates will either be stoned, half-stoned, half-drunk, hungover, sleeping or thinking about their own presentations when I'm up there talking) but I can't help but obsess. If I don't, it will go even worse than planned. I guess I'm just one of those people that has to plan out the details no matter how unimportant the presentation task is.

So here's the odd part. Every time I'm getting ready to do a presentation, I can picture myself ("visualize", if I may) giving this totally awesome speech at some college or women's conference and I wonder how I'm able to imagine myself doing this if I can't even do a half-hour bogus presentation in front of my peers in a summer course. Maybe it's because the topic isn't of that much interest to them, or me for that matter. I chose single-sexed schools which, in an education class, was the closest I could get to going in the direction I'd like to go after I get this master's degree. (Scratch that. Sexual education would have been more interesting and more relevant to my future studies but this is TEFL - how can I really say that the topic of teaching sexual education relates to any of us in that room, at least at this point.)

So I'm heading to Zakopane next weekend and I'm hoping I can print out my information for the presentation so I can work on it during the night train ride. For some reason, working on school work during a ride somewhere always makes me feel intellectual. It's gonna feel SO good when I get to jump on that plane home after finishing all that work. Can you believe it will be only one more semester and I'll have a Master's degree in Education??!

HOLIDAY, CELEBRATE

Finally, more pictures!

Went on holiday this past week and had a fabulous time. Started out going to Gdansk on Monday morning. My train left at 6:30 and I made it to Gdansk around 3:30 that afternoon. I spent two days there (more or less) and left Wednesday morning to meet a friend in Warsaw. The trip was great; I spent most of my time leisurely, albeit coldly, walking the city and popping in to various shops and restaurants. Took myself to a nice dinner both Monday and Tuesday night, both including wine and a candle.

Spent another three or so days in Warsaw. I had heard a lot about how unattractive this city is and I must admit that aside from the old and new town centers, it really is a fairly accurate statement. There's a lot of graffiti and cold, gray buildings. But the restaurants are great and so was the company.

Finished off my vacation in Opole. Went with a friend to see Moszna Castle. It's currently used as a mental hospital/classical concert site and although the latter caused us to miss seeing the entire interior, the outside and the grounds were spectacular.

Enjoy the pictures. I apologize for the smudgy thing on some of the Warsaw pictures. It's really annoying. Next weekend, Zakopane - minus the smudge.

THE OLD MAN IS SNORING

It's raining, it's pouring
The old man is snoring
He bumped his head
And went to bed
And couldn't wake up in the morning


What is that song exactly? I remember singing it when I was so little and for some reason, it made me so happy. Maybe it was the lyrics taken literally. Maybe it was its illustration in a book. Maybe it was some little thing I did with my parents when it was raining and I was so young I could barely have a memory: making cookies, reading a book, playing hide n' seek in the house. Who knows. But regardless, it rains and I smile so big inside. And I wonder if this is what parents are for: to provide you with not only the tools to succeed in life, but to give you the memories and feelings to make you really appreciate life.

So here I am, loving life. There's a slight overcast (but not enough in my opinion) and an on-again, off-again drizzle. The kitchen is warm and there's a comforting fog growing on the windows. I'm cooking what might possibly be the best batch of kapusta I have ever made. I have already cooked the onions and have breathed in their intoxicating effects of bringing me back to yet another wonderful memory growing up. (What that memory is exactly, I'm not so sure but it definitely involves my mother and a warm glow above the kitchen stove.) I am reading an Elizabeth Berg book that my mother sent me (both women are magnificent) and am about to pour myself a hot cup of tea. At this point, I couldn't be more feminine, more pms-ing, or more happy in my own little world.

Unless the kitchen was at home.

FULFILLING MY HOROSCOPE

You could be overbooked and it's frustrating trying to be at your next appointment when you're not even finished with your last one. You might be tempted to just give up or delete your calendar and tasks from your computer, thinking you will do better without the external distractions. Even if you can't withdraw as much as you like, making time for yourself can help you cope with all that you must handle.

It's 4:34am and something has drastically changed in my life. At this time last year, I was working as a temp at Paychex, getting ready to change my life forever. I had taken my TEFL course and was just waiting for my first trip abroad. Now, I am about to go on my first vacation (okay, a mini-break) to the north of Poland. What is so special about this trip is that on my way home from Poland last June, I opened up the sky magazine and, unlike most people who open it, I picked out what I was going to see when I came back to Poland that following autumn. Gdansk.

So here I am, about to head out to a beautiful town, on the Baltic sea (I think...) and be alone and introspective (one of my most favorite hobbies!) and have a beer in an outside cafe and take pictures and walk and shop for gifts and buy an ice cream and walk and read and relax and take pictures and walk and see monuments and practice Polish and walk.

I can't wait.

MIP IS CREEPING

Got my pre-course assignment email from only one of my professors yesterday and I'm already having problems breathing. Half-hour presentation on some aspect of education (this really isn't much interest to me anymore) and I'm dreading it. Have to read a book, write a six page paper and read to the class for ten minutes (any topic, could even be something we ourselves have written). I recognize that this master's program is not strenuous by any means but it's weird in that we don't go to school for a year and then we take classes randomly, for two weeks, twice a year. For this, I think it sucks. I love learning and expanding my mind but sometimes, it's tiring - especially if I haven't done it in 4 months. So this break, and then being thrown back into it, isn't the best method for my learning. Yesterday, my father was asking me about whether or not I would be working if I decided to actually tackle my PhD (as I have been saying I will) and I answered that I would probably be working as a teacher's assistant. But after much thought today, I really don't know if teaching is right for me. I mean, I have awesome students that make it one of the best jobs I could imagine, but then the other classes, are just getting so unbearably boring that I don't think I can handle it. And then on top of it, I know I'm not doing my job to the best of my ability but I don't seem to want to change it - and I know that can't be a good sign. But what if I'm just lazy? What if working in the states is completely different? What if working in a college would be the perfect fit but I won't be able to ever find out? I don't know. I guess I'm just freaking slightly about the whole two week semester when I really shouldn't. It'll be two weeks and then I'm done and can come home and see my friends and my family and just relax.

VODKA FROM THE TAP AND AN AERIAL EAGLE TO BOOT

So it's been a few days. And I haven't really been in the "writing in my blog" mood but I decided to buckle down this afternoon. I really have nothing else to do anyhow.

Got to get a tour of my student's work the other day. It's a plant that manufactures faucet taps. It was pretty freaking cool actually. I totally felt like I was on the Mister Roger's show or something. They actually make the molds from compacted sand that is then put into a stove and has hot brass poured over it. Then, they somehow get the sand out of there. Totally cool.

Went to Kluczbork yesterday for a party. My student got married a few weeks ago and had a small gathering of friends to drink vodka and celebrate. It was nice. A TON of kielbasa and desserts and chocolate and cabbage. And the way they seemed to be drinking was just a shot of vodka with a chaser of some kind of juice. It seemed like every 20 minutes or so, someone would pour everyone a shot and then stand up. Everyone would stand up and sing or clink glasses and then drink. And you'd think it would slow down as the night went on but it seemed to pick up. My friend Susan was with me, and she doesn't drink, and this concept was extremely difficult for everyone to grasp. They thought she just meant that round so then every other time, they would go to pour her a shot. Or they'd ask her, "do you want a drink with some vodka or just a little vodka with some juice??" It was a little funny when she doesn't drink and those are her choices.

Also got a short Polish history lesson from one of the party patrons. Turns out there's a neighborhood in Wroclaw that's built in the shape of an eagle when you look at the aerial view. Very cool. I guess it was built by the Germans, to symbolize the German eagle, but it's more similar to the Polish eagle. (REALLY difficult to see a difference...)



This is the Polish eagle (according to google...)

and this is the German one.

Purely by chance that the Polish one is ten times bigger than the German. I swear.